I'm going out for a coffee with myself in a few minutes. Sometimes I'm my best friend. After all, who know me better than me? However, I know I'm planning to study the whole time which I find pretty offensive. I'm taking good time out of my day to spend time with me and I ignore me the whole time? What's up with that?! But, I've been putting pressure on me to crack down on the studies so there's really no one to blame but myself.

Patty--my friend from work--asked John--annoying IT guy from work--what he's having for lunch. He told her in detail as she got a wistful look on her face and gazed into space with hungry eyes. She's on a diet. When she snapped-to she thanked him for allowing her to live vicariously through his lunches. (: CC just said he'll enjoy Les Miserables vicariously through me b/c he's not going. Well, I'm sorry friends. Reading a stranger's blog for long periods of time on a Saturday tops the charts for living vicariously. I need a life. (: (Thanks Julie Kim--cool blog)

COLLIN RAYE LYRICS
My Kind Of Girl
(Debi Cochran/John Jarrard/Monty Powell)

When I saw you buying Cosmo and a Hot Rod magazine
I said to myself now there's a girl for me
And when I asked you to go for a ride
You stole my heart when you said if I can drive
I said how 'bout some music, you said, you got any Merle?
That's when I knew you were my kind of girl

And when we started talking I could not believe my ears
You said you were a Braves fan even through the rotten years
You quoted William Faulkner and Martin Luther King
You said your favourite movie star would always be James Dean
And when we went to dinner you wore blue jeans with your pearls
That's when I knew you were my kind of girl

Yeah you march to the beat of a different drum
The funny thing is that I hear the same one
We both like to color outside of the lines
We're peas in a pod, girl we're two of a kind

Every man, wherever he goes, is encompassed by a cloud of comforting convictions, which move with him like flies on a summer day.
--Bertrand Russell

My life was measure by task and chore,
Just get it done and do some more,
Very lacking, very poor.

Embarking on my latest goal,
Getting through college, playing the role,
Of studious learner, friendly and droll.

I met everyone and helped everywhere
Making things happen; oh, what a snare
Oh desolate soul, without any air.

Then I met the sweetest of friends,
A breeze an oasis that the Lord sends,
Around them I had air again.

Lord, let me learn to be a true friend. Thank You for the ones I have.

To look at something as though we had never seen it before requires great courage.

- Henri Matisse

This happened a lot durring finals week. It took a lot of courage to stare those foreign-looking quetions strait on and realize that I will soon be staring at a letter on the paper that was all too familiar. Then, of course, when I recieved that letter grade in front of the teacher, I had to again look at it as if I had never seen it on a test before! Courage of cowardice? (: Oh, well. Life goes on.

Please forgive the ramblings

i wonder if our favorite characters of movies or books reflects the kind of person we wish we were or could see ourselves being. Hmmm (just call me Kaho).

Does it seem like when a man manipulates his wife using his attitude toward her it's emotional abuse, but when a woman does the same thing she's just being a woman? hmmm . . .

An excerpt from a letter to Mr. Pots:

I guess that A Grief Observed started in me something that has just grown until it's shaken my entire existence in phenomenal proportions (I’m feeling dramatic). I sense it did the same for you. It caused me to start questioning God. I began to realize that questions and comments I once considered heresy, or even blasphemy, were actually human and, in asking them, help us to love and lean on God all the more. Without asking them, we become like many people I know (I'm sure you know some too) who seem to have almost an angry determination to be faithful to an incomprehensibly cruel God. Like they won't let Him beat them . . . they'll stick it out like good Christian soldiers! FIGHT TO THE DEATH!! Even when it seems like God is fighting against them, heaven forbid we should EVER ask “why?!” It seems to me, sometimes, that that's where faith without love gets you. Now, I often find myself heading towards the love without faith path. I love God because I know that God loves me beyond anything I could ever try to imagine and this I have proof of in my life and the Bible. However, questions and doubt come up more and more as I grow in Him but the more He proves Himself faithful, the more faith He gives me, and, therefore, my love for him grows stronger. I could never doubt His love for me, so everything else I end up doubting can't shake that foundation.

This part of the letter I have considered again and think that it is not exactly better to be in one state or the other. There is room for growth and improvement in both states and there is also potential for spiritual death in both states. Take the latter state for instance. I have also met people in this spiritual state that, in rather extreme cases, believe in God and His love but don’t attend church or follow God in any way. Actually, I work with the sweetest lady on earth and she is in this spiritual state. She read the Bible through every year for something like fifteen years but her church was a stumbling block for her. It had large theological wholes in its doctrine and ended up more like a cult. She now knows that God loves her deeply and I believe she loves God. However, her thoughts and ideas about God and Christianity are off. This, I believe, comes from a life of complete disillusionment and questions where she sought for answers. Her faith was shaken and never quite built back up. Anyway, just a thought. Back to the letter.

I Cor.
18For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. 19For it is written:
"I will destroy the wisdom of the wise;
the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate."[3]
20Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? 21For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. 22Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, 23but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, 24but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. 25For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength.
26Brothers, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. 27But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. 28He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things--and the things that are not--to nullify the things that are, 29so that no one may boast before him. 30It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God--that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. 31Therefore, as it is written: "Let him who boasts boast in the Lord."[4]

That was what I was trying to say regarding humility. Not that God’s choices are second best. That God’s choices are not only second best to man, but not even honorable mention status! He delights in making beauty and strength from what we view as ugly and week. In fact, mostly everything God does is opposite of how we would do it as humans. Have you ever thought about communion? We eat the bread first. We participate in Christ’s death and become part of his body. We have joined the family. Yet we are completely unworthy, unholy, and unready. THEN we drink the wine (maybe juice, soda, or cool-aide like at my Grandma’s church), which is purifying, sanctifying, and makes us holy in God’s sight! It’s the same with salvation—justification before sanctification. Yet since we were kids with the little girls- (or boys-) only clubs we knew that the other kids MUST qualify BEFORE joining. Talk about a plan to keep us humble.

There, that is a rebuttal to a rebuttal to a rebuttal. (: Bye